We hear all the time about how we need to fill our cups to ensure that we can fill the cups of others. We know we need to practice self-care and self-love before we can appropriately take care of those we love. I’m not going to disregard that here, but I’m also not necessarily promoting. But I will say that sometimes we don’t feel like doing either, and yet life throws situations at us that enlists our inevitable selflessness in such a way that we must blindly and mindlessly fill all of the cups at once.
Admittedly, I’ve been that person lately who doesn’t wish to fill her own cup, nevermind filling anyone else’s. But let’s just say that this phase had gone on too long and my ‘someday soon’ calendar got a little too full to ignore. I had two friends who needed conversation, and a boyfriend who needed a date. I didn’t want to do any of that. I had convinced myself that I didn’t need friends nor a boyfriend. I’m just fine all alone with my kid and dog, thank you very much!
My oldest kid has just moved out, a long relationship just came to an abrupt hault a few months ago, and the holidays are coming up where I already dread the absence of everybody, both dead and alive and elusive. I am good on my own. Promise.
But there were plans that needed to be kept. Commitments that needed tending to. And I am a woman of her word. Maybe my heart’s not here, but the rest of me is. That sorta thing. So between the depression and the denial, this week has been a doozy, as will all be all weeks leading up to the holidays. I stuck with those commitments. And as is always the case, I am better for it. I laughed until I almost cried tonight on my date. I vented until I almost cried with my friends, and I am fully emotionally prepared for what won’t happen this holiday season.
Sometimes we just have to walk into the fire, ill-equipped and let God lead.
Only the Lonely 