Twitch

It’s been 10 days since it first started, this nagging eyelid twitch, this muscle spasm attack occurring every 3 minutes or so, waking, sleeping, yawning, driving, laughing, crying. Doesn’t matter. The twitch does not go away. It persists, along with the nagging negative thoughts twitching convulsively through my mind. All of those thoughts are focused in on one area as well, also having to do with sight, or blindness, or love, or doubt, or patterns. I believe in the law of attraction. I do. But what do you do when the same thoughts keep battling their way in. How can I combat THAT in REM?

I feel like it’s a disease, maybe there is such a thing as Cancer of the eyelid? The whole removing myself from all parts of my life – modifying custody, selling the business, dropping my networking groups, a disconnect from friends, and a withdrawal from as many social situations as I can get away with without anyone growing overly curious…it all sounds a little familiar. If this inconvenience has any medical connection, I will not know until I can no longer know. The truth is, I’ve had enough of sickness. One thing I’ve learned from both of my deceased parents is that. Never let anyone see what I don’t want to see myself. Sometimes reality is just simply too ugly. I absolutely 1,000% want no one taking care of me. I would imitate a dog on her last day and walk off into the woods somewhere. If I were writing a novel of my own life, my character would (at this time in her young life) be diagnosed with something bad. It just makes sense. No worries, no stress, love of her life, two wonderful boys, finances in order….and GAME OVER. It just makes sense. Why does it have to make so much damn sense, and since when does twitch make sense?

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2 thoughts on “Twitch

  1. I had this twitching about 6 or 7 years ago. Started with my eye and eventually the entire left side of my face would contract and spasm. After about three weeks of it getting worse and worse I went to the doctor and they had to do an MRI to rule out anything big (like a brain tumor). Turned out that I had aggravated/compressed/pinched in some way a facial nerve–I forget the exact name of the nerve & diagnosis. They gave me a prescription for an anti-spasm medication and had me make sure I wasn’t putting pressure on my face/neck (I have a tendency to sit with my hand cupping my chin, or my fist resting on my cheek). It took a few days, but the tics and twitches stopped and I went off the medication after a month & the condition didn’t resume.

    I was very grateful. When the twitching got down into my cheek, I was embarrassed at how it looked and felt and I never wanted to go anywhere. I was at the grocery store one time when I kept hard spasming and had another shopper ask if I was okay or having a stroke. =/

    I know my experience is only one anecdote, but maybe you can take some hope from it that you can find similar resolution? I LOVE YOU and I understand your desire to retreat at this time. I’ll still be here loving you when you’re ready to tackle the world at large again. Take care of you!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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