It’s been 10 days since it first started, this nagging eyelid twitch, this muscle spasm attack occurring every 3 minutes or so, waking, sleeping, yawning, driving, laughing, crying. Doesn’t matter. The twitch does not go away. It persists, along with the nagging negative thoughts twitching convulsively through my mind. All of those thoughts are focused in on one area as well, also having to do with sight, or blindness, or love, or doubt, or patterns. I believe in the law of attraction. I do. But what do you do when the same thoughts keep battling their way in. How can I combat THAT in REM?
I feel like it’s a disease, maybe there is such a thing as Cancer of the eyelid? The whole removing myself from all parts of my life – modifying custody, selling the business, dropping my networking groups, a disconnect from friends, and a withdrawal from as many social situations as I can get away with without anyone growing overly curious…it all sounds a little familiar. If this inconvenience has any medical connection, I will not know until I can no longer know. The truth is, I’ve had enough of sickness. One thing I’ve learned from both of my deceased parents is that. Never let anyone see what I don’t want to see myself. Sometimes reality is just simply too ugly. I absolutely 1,000% want no one taking care of me. I would imitate a dog on her last day and walk off into the woods somewhere. If I were writing a novel of my own life, my character would (at this time in her young life) be diagnosed with something bad. It just makes sense. No worries, no stress, love of her life, two wonderful boys, finances in order….and GAME OVER. It just makes sense. Why does it have to make so much damn sense, and since when does twitch make sense?