Why you should never ‘white flag’ the ‘red flags’ in dating

If you are constantly having to explain yourself- your whereabouts, who you’re texting, who you’re talking to, looking at, eating with, meeting with, talking about, and who may or may not have your attention at the moment – you need to leave.

If you feel yourself tense up at the thought of having to tell your significant other that you will be late, need to work longer than expected, or had a crisis come up with family that needs your attention – you need to leave. You are not free.

If you find yourself constantly defending his actions with friends or loved ones, because he has more stories than life – you need to leave. He only deceives.

If you have a nagging voice inside your head that constantly tells you this is ‘not the one’ no matter how much he tells you he ‘is the one’. Listen to it. The voice is smarter than you because it has no emotion. You need to leave. Let him be. He will be just fine without you. After all, he was fine before you, and no matter how much you’ve opened his eyes and heart, they will likely close back up for a while after you go. But now that he can remember how it feels to be in love, he will likely find it again with someone better fitted for him. You will both be better off, for the lessons learned in heartbreak.

Love does not have to be difficult. If it feels more like war, it’s not love. What you actually have is the battle of the egos between two people that are highly attracted to one another, but have no tenderness because there is no room for spirit when so much ego is involved. Sure, couples can work through this, but in truth, they shouldn’t have to – especially during the ‘dating’ phase. My mom always said that if you need a counselor when you’re just dating, you should just – leave. Life is much too short to spend it fighting, defending yourself, defending him, picking up his broken pieces, rationalizing his actions, or constantly trying to make him happy by making yourself more miserable.

We all deserve more.

It’s easy enough to believe otherwise. I know this from experience. After two failed marriages, my thoughts were that it must be my fault. It didn’t matter that both of them had addictions that interfered and broke down the infrastructure of us. I felt like the only common factor was me.

It wasn’t until I embraced the idea that I really do have so much love to give, and that someone out there will receive it without repercussions, that I discovered the him that gives me no reason to leave. I had to love myself and feel that I deserve more than pain and doubt, that in fact what I deserve is to receive what I offer – trust, honesty, belief, support, and unquestioning, unending love.

If your relationship does not lift you up, it’s dragging you down. Raise your flag and surrender to yourself, not because you’re ‘too weak’ to withstand the turmoil, but because you’re too smart to believe it’s your destiny.Image

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