In Love I Trust

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I ran across this very profound quote today, and it ran through my mind for the rest of the day. So like any crazy person, I know that blogging all about it is the only way I will rest. 

When I was in high school, I met my first untrusting soul. He said that he loved God, quoted Bible verses like a second language, and righteously boasted about his ability to ‘see through’ people and all of their lies. While I respected his insights, and learned from his sermons, I did not feel as though I could trust him who trusted no one. It was at that time that my favorite quote became ‘It is a greater compliment to be trusted than to be loved’. It’s natural to love, to fall in love, to grow to love. It’s like breathing. But trusting is not so easy. I’ve met many people since Mr. Indignant that have declared that they simply don’t trust anyone until they have a million reasons to trust. For those of us who live on the opposite side of the trust debate, that seems a little too unfair. For me, the whole notion of not trusting until given reasons to is like sentencing a defendant before he stands trial.

In adulthood, I’ve continued my blindly trusting ways, and I can’t seem to climb over to the other side no matter how many hurts I experience. I can’t stand on enough shoulders of deception to surmount that wall of pending doom. And the truth is, I don’t want to. If I go to the other side, I know I will become this bitter, cynical, anti-humanitarian that I was never created to be.

Have I experienced losing trust in others? Absolutely. In my second marriage, I learned that not everyone is trust-worthy, that not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and that not everyone shows their skeletons so willingly. Those were difficult, yet eye-opening experiences that I hope to never again encounter. I almost learned to untrust. Almost. The trust never returned for him, and probably never will, which is why our marriage came to a scary screeching halt. No matter how hard I worked on that car…marriage, it was never going anywhere.

I have also experienced not being trusted myself, which was honestly, even less fun than not trusting. There was nothing I could ever do or fix or change that could cause him to trust me, or make the trust remain in our relationship for more than a few days. He was another untrusting soul. In that relationship, I found that I also began to suspect people. I could feel the disdain for humanity clogging my trust arteries almost to the point of hopelessness. Almost. Until one day, in a heated argument about trust, he left. Lucky for me, he packed up his untrust and took it with him. My sense of trust immediately returned and welcomed me back with an open heart of forgiveness. 

Maybe in some cases, there are more grey areas than were present in my relationships. I know many couples where the wife is ‘trusting to a fault’ while the husband makes everyone ‘serve time’ first,  and questions later. And that works for them. But in every situation, the untrusting soul trusts himself and his wife, even if the world dissappoints him. They have trust, and love, and an understanding that they can be different without sacrificing their own beliefs. 

Where there is no trust, there is no life, and no point in calling a tow truck.

 

 

 

 

 

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