Under the Influence of Estrogen

So many things can happen under the influence of estrogen. Of course, one can behave like a woman, and that’s bad enough. But too much estrogen, and one woman can resemble those snickers commercials. Yes, she can turn into a completely different actress…or actor…or a different vicious animal altogether. And I know. I was there.

I wanted an IUD because I have had pretty severe emotional issues with birth control pills. I had heard, and had read that the occurrence of such issues with these magical inserts was a rare and unique thing. Call me rare and unique. I got to be part of the 1% that gets to experience IUD craziness, and I came very close to ‘inserting’ myself straight into a padded room,  or maybe even a ‘straight’ jacket. There was nothing straight about my thinking whatsoever.

For some, it’s a God-send, for others of us though, it’s a send-straight-to-hell.  And for those that must experience us rare and unique cases, it’s as if someone else, with a leaky faucet & puffy eyes, has morphed into our bodies and taken over. I have a very clear vision of Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost in mind. I also see the girl from the Exorcist, head spinning, vile green chunks spewing from chapped lips. It ain’t pretty.  I couldn’t watch children playing at the mall playground, hear a Christmas song, or read a goofy children’s book to my son. I also couldn’t take a shower, blow dry my hair, or stick my pinky toe outside of my sheets in the morning without cleansing my cheeks with sludgy estrogen induced teardrops.

And while this alien has since been removed from my body, I’m still in awe of it’s ability to transform me into mush so easily. Does that make me weak, or too impressionable? Whatever bad things you can say about such birth control, you can’t say that it doesn’t work. I never was off of my period during its five week stay. The only thing I enjoyed was crying the last few days, and I was more wishy-washy about personal relationships than I had been as a teenager.

Talk about wreaking havoc on your own life, with your own consent! Who needs alcohol, when you can have teenage-raging hormones, after all? Yes, it was effective. I didn’t want sex. And that is its secret ingredient – a built-in psychological corset. Good stuff.

If you hear of anyone experiencing these issues, and they have an IUD of any kind that includes hormones, pass it on. There is a priest disguised as a doctor, complete with a white jacket and stethoscope. She can turn back to her doctor. The same one that gave her the ‘possession’ can also take it away. And he/ she will certainly argue that it’s probably NOT the IUD. Remember,  you know your body better than any doctor or exorcist out there, and you’re not leaving till the demon has left the stage!

 

 

 

 

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