little orphan me

Okay, so I’m not exactly a kid, I am little, and I am an orphan. My dad died at the ripe old age of 44, when I was 11. My mom died at 64. That was 3 months ago. I’ve had two children from two different fathers. Both of whom I was married to for 6 years each.

I am a writer…in my heart. My degree says I should be. That’s in English Literature. I have four billion things to write about, but I’m so unofficially ADD that I don’t know where to begin. It’s like a painter with the largest canvass, and too much paint, in the middle of New York City. Overwhelming chaos. So many opportunities, so few years.

I’m pretty sure I will have no followers. I’m also pretty sure that’s not the point for me. The point is that I have too much to say to keep creating notes on Facebook, but too little confidence to begin anywhere else. So this is practice. This is me trying to convince me of my reading-worthiness.

I will write about co-parenting, because I do that double-time, and in two totally different ex-relationships. I will also write about death. Again, I’ve had a double dose of the super important ones. I run my family cleaning business, have 12 women employees that I love like family, but that also give me headaches like their my…well ‘real’ family. But, and here’s the clincher, I’m coming up on my first holiday season of my life, without my best friend; my mother.

A little background on her. My mom, Judy, was superwoman. Except, instead of a cape, she wore high heels. Instead of a mask, she wore the perfect make-up. Instead of fighting evil villains, she fought breast cancer. And instead of taking care of the country or world and all its citizens, she took care of my dad, then my grandparents, and always me. My stepfather says that she finally lost her battle with breast cancer, and went home to be with God because I am okay. I wanted to tell her ‘No, stop!!! I’m not okay…or I am, but I will not be if you die, so don’t!!!’ but that would be pure selfishness. Love is not selfish. That’s God’s words, not mine.

My mom was the ‘bread-winner’. She ‘brought home the bacon’. There are many more of us now than when I was growing up; the ones with provider moms. At any rate, she taught me everything I know, and even some of what I practice, when it comes to running a business. She was brilliant. I have huge shoes to fill. I have lots of pressure on me to do so. But my mom always believed that I would write…a children’s book. It’s not where my heart is at right now in my life, but she may have had something there. She always did.

So, if any of this is relatable to you, I’ll keep you posted with all of the trials and errors that I encounter. I am dating, and have two boys. That’s also pretty interesting at times, considering that my boyfriend is a musician; so was my dad, and my stepfather.

I just know that life is as complicated or as simple as you want to make it. Drama doesn’t need to prevail, but sometimes it will, especially when you’re entering into a new chapter of this thing called human growth.

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